I've had some things bothering me for quite awhile now that I really need talk about I think. Sorry this is long
I'm married with two kids, DD is almost 6 and DS is 22 months. Both were surprise pregnancies; but my husband has never really accepted my youngest one. Before I became pregnant with my son my husband had decided that he no longer wanted any more kids; I had more or less agreed but I was a little more on the fence about it. However...I became pregnant a second time and it was entirely due to carelessness on my part. DH was very unhappy about second pregnancy and I think to this day he believes I did it on purpose, but I did not. I felt really scared and guilty. He stated that he would not take part in caring for a new baby, since he did not want another child. He hasn't budged from this position to this day. He'll say hi to him and talk to him a minute or two but that's about it. He arranged for his mother to come live with us to help take care of them since I work 12 hour shifts and he has to travel for work, plus I have ongoing problems with fatigue, insomnia, anxiety and depression...so I have felt like I truly needed the help.
His attitude bothers me greatly; I have tried numerous times to discuss my feelings with him and how much his attitude bothers me but I get nowhere; he either ignores me or tries to change the subject. He is very critical and very quick to point out things me or his mother are doing wrong, no matter how minor. I think some things he says/does would qualify as verbal abuse. He is frequently negative and judgmental of others. He says that he is the one in charge. I have asked him on several occasions whether he will start paying a bit of attention to his son once he is older and he flat out won't give me an answer. I feel like he doesn't truly care about my concerns or feelings most of the time. For instance...I've been asking to put a gate at the top of the stairs because we have a fast and impulsive toddler and I don't want him falling down the damn stairs. He says no we can't get a gate; why? Because he's afraid it'll scratch the walls. He apparently cares more about scratches in the wall than about his son's safety.
I've considered leaving for years now but I haven't due to fears of the hassle, trauma, and expense of divorce; but I'm really considering it again. So i guess I'm looking for input..am I wrong to be upset with him about all the above things? We've never done marriage counseling so I should probably give that a shot first but I don't know that it would help; maybe I'm too pessimistic though.