Hello everyone! Some of you may remember me from my pregnancy and of course my previous bad luck in love before that.
Im doing great and Pixelle is growing beautifully!
This is long, but will be worth it to read.
I'm a tad fed up with something that has become a norm.
Extreme entitlement, narcissistic behaviour and over enmeshment by in-laws/grandparents of your children.
The entitled, over-involvement has to stop somewhere and I hope it stops with me.
For far too long it has been considered a norm to feel like your parenthood, private time and bonding moments are being stolen by a parent/in-law, for them to steal firsts (first foods, first trip to the zoo, first Christmas ornaments etc ), for them to break rules, and encroach upon your territory with the do-over baby you have so gratefully incubated for them.
Unannounced visits, blatant disregard for mother's or father's feeling, blatant disreguard for baby's safety and something I call "baby hogging". These things are wrong to do, and are typically given a set of excuses by surrounding folks such as:
"She's/he's just excited"
"That's just how they are"
"YOU have to get used to that"
They are not just excited, they are probably unstable, and you don't have to get used to diddly squat.
These sorts of behaviors can destroy a marriage and wreck your family dynamic (read: FAMILY - husband, wife, baby. EXTENDED FAMILY: in-laws/parents, sisters/brothers aunts/uncles, cousins). I stopped this horrible cycle and I have never been happier.
I am still getting Hell for cutting my mother-in-law out of my life, even to those who know the full story, because they think I should suck it up, and allow an unstable woman pretend to be by daughter's mother, for the sake of their definition of family.
For those of you who don't know, this woman saw me as her personal incubator. She loathed me before I got pregnant, and continued to after, just with a more patient demeanor. She regularly compared me to my husband's ex, how much happier he was with her(he wasn't, she also cheated on him), how she wished they were still together, and I overheard her say that she wishes his ex would have had her grandchild, not me.
Now, here's where things get crazy. She started showing up at my home unannounced just to grope at my lower abdomen and ask "how is MY baby doing?!", she would also show us the spoils of a baby shopping trip, she kept everything, because, as it turned out, she set up an entire nursery in her home, that took over her eight year old daughter's bedroom. This was all before I was even 10 weeks pregnant. Much more happened later, but I will exclude that to be brief.
To make a long story short, I ended up barricaded in an upstairs room by my mother-in-law's sister while my mother-in-law came towards me trying desperately to circumvent my husband and yank my three month old daughter from her woven wrap after a long standing fued fueled by her assumed entitlement to my daughter.
I still get many people saying that a child NEEDS their grandparents no matter how unstable they are BUT, this is false. Children need stable, sane PARENTS. Being a grandparent is a privilege that can be lost, not a right automatically given due to DNA.
I will end this by saying, only YOU can protect your family, and only YOU can decide what's right. You CAN say NO, you CAN choose to not open your front door, you CAN choose who is in your life, no matter who they are and you sure as Hell can choose what's best for your family.